And I am a seeker of love...

Let's not pretend that they are the same….seeing light and feeling The Light, we can wrap life up in a silver bow and tell ourselves that it's all alright. The essence of our own hearts when they lie to us so carefully. I can't get away from the feeling of constant yelling, silently in my heart that says come away with me. Tell me your secrets, because I already know them, it's you that needs to hear them. Say them. Fix them. Humble yourself effortlessly as you begin to understand your own self for the very first time. It will be nothing less than liberating. I promise you. See all this world has to offer you??? Haven't you experienced all of it already??? It never makes your heart at ease, never. Don't listen to the world as it's static leaks into your being when you look around and you're doing everything like everyone else. You know you don't belong among the rest of them…Not that you are better, but because I am the answer and you know it in your bones….listen to me…I am silent but I speak the loudest. I'm in the trees and all around you. I hug your body close and i whisper to you when you aren't listening. Feel Me? I know you do….you're my daughter and I am a seeker of love, all I ask is that you love me. 

Back..

Avidity, feel it, never try to understand it. We get lost in translation and we slip past the beauty that God wanted us to just "see"  I can't explain my life, and I'm not going to try to anymore, because then, I just feel lost. Godly water is mixed in my blood and streaming through my veins. I have given my life to a greater good, to a God of holy sanctity. I will never question my heart, because it was a gift, and one that I want to share. My life has been crazy, has been dark, has been sad, but has been worth it. I have meaning in my eyes and a strength that I'm so thankful for.

Just words

Maybe that's what it's all about, giving back to the giver. Creation is certainly all around, and still we seek righteousness. I've taken my fair share of moments, and spent them unequivocally, and for that I'm sorry. I've kissed chaos on the lips passionately, and forgot to say goodbye. I know it's more than just words that we all need, that we all hunger for. I know it's finding the still in the madness of this life, but I want more than the normality in this life that seems to have it all played out for us. I'm sorry for the harsh hand I've accepted and helped deal out. I love your beauty in the moments you don't know exist. It's the hatred that lingers in tiny realms  that say hello too quickly. I sat today, alone, looking up at the sky, and I know God sees even me, and that is mighty, and I have to believe that peace is in the essence of love. Love is in-fact what we all fight for, what we all, also push away...I've pushed it away. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm sorry, and that's all I can say. Yes, these are just words, and you need so much more, but if you can't accept my words first, and love me for who I want to be, than you will never let me show you who God intended us to be...

lies of inner peace...

I know when i've been wrong, and I hate the mere fact of the heartless encounters i've had, when i wanted nothing to mean anything, and to mean something, but i knew it couldn't and i knew it never would. Would i be a fool to believe the reckless inside of me that drove me mad, so mad at times, when the light left my being and darkness was two shades lighter than my eyes. Darkness shadowed my morals and I made believe that my choices were ok for the time being, and I lied to myself while my inner being knew I was not that foolish. This is ok, this choice will not stay with you forever, lies, lies, all of the words and the thoughts were lies, not did they become lies, but they were rooted from a hate that the world brought to me and i took it as if it were handed to me in a bow that said, inner peace. Find peace inside this decision that will bring you into a light you have no idea of…Let the trees show you how to let the wind blow away the dead...Inner peace can not stay a mystery 

...written in dust on the back windshield

Sometimes we let that go, sometimes we forget for moments in between, the moments that feel somewhat real when real is so far away. We forget what love felt like, rubbing our feet before bed. What crazy love felt like as it held our hand in the courthouse, before "just married" was written in dust on the back windshield. We choose to run from the pain that real brought when all you knew was cold and lonely in a bathtub as the heart beat within you was clinging onto an idea of "i'm not just make believe"    Choices we've made in the past shadow what we truly held together all along. Each other, but we let choices and time take over and we hold on to the darker moments that scared the light away. Why? Why? Moments, our lives are a series of moments, good and bad and unexplainable moments. Go back to bed, go back to bed Amy…This is a moment

As you wish...

Gone.

TRUTH